etoiles

When autumn leaves don't fall down to the ground When the world has zero gravity When people love each other and there's no crimes anymore When the economic conditions do not fluctuate That's when I'll stop . If I stopped years ago, no one will ever notice me. If I stop now, I won’t ever get the chance to forgive myself. For all the things I’ve got today. For all the feelings remain the same. For the universe I am living. This failure is enough to make me wanna blow myself up. But not enough to get me quit. People say, a legend knows when to stop. For me, I know it’s not today.

Friend  : How can someone possibly be happy and sad at the same time? Me       : Ever had a great news you can't share?

Kadang hidup bersimpang di tiga atau empat tepi Terhuyung, menarik ulur perasaan seperti secarik layangan di pinggir jalan Melayang. terbang. tersentak dengan benang kaca yang mengiris hati di persimpangan Angin malam beritakan kabar "dia berlayar bebas dan kuat di dunianya" Seorang pemukim di setepi pulau perasaan, Menepi dan menjawab "telah lama biarkan dia pergi dariku namun tidak dari hatiku" Menatap biru, tarian ombak bergejolak. perasaan turut bergejolak. Menoleh kiri dan kanan, akhir ku melihat ke dalam Sesanggup apa diri menunggu sebuah pelayaran, sebuah penantian? Duduk bertepi dengan pantai, buah pikiran teringat Selalu akan menunggumu, agar tak lagi jauh Di sini...

It’s been two weeks since I moved to Netherlands, and unlike many other people who always complain about leaving Indonesia for western country, I, to be honest, am enjoying my stay here. Hahaha. I’m sure it’s not because of the city - bearing in mind the lonely Sunday and the no-mall city, but I think it’s more because I am loving my study so much that I totally forgot that I’m living in here. I’ve been really tied up with study, lately. Nonetheless, I’m learning so many new things every single day at the campus, and luckily I’m doing things that are still very much related to Economics. Something that at least I'm good at. Hahaha. Talking about Netherlands, I can never feel at home in this country. I’m not sure why, but this city always feels foreign to me. Everything I see, passes by like a scene, moving from one frame to another, in a fast pace, representing the unknown, manifesting in a self-contradicting reality, unfamiliar, strange. Not home. - I don’t know w...

"I’d volunteer to go to prison, as long as there are books. Because with books I am free." Source: Mohammad Hatta, first vice president of Indonesia.

I always feel that I never learned from my mistakes. I knew that opening myself up to others could help me in a way. Knowing that someone else knows about the burdens I bear. And having the sense of security that they are facing the same things too. But opening myself up also leads to bigger chances to get hurt. Because when I opened up, I let myself to get emotionally attached. I took the trouble of letting someone know who I am, and getting to know that person as is. And as a person, I HATE attachments. It ruins your rationality. It clouds your judgments. It makes you think immaturely. It makes you feel dependent to a certain person. And the worst things about attachments: you start to expect things. you start to assume things to be better than they actually are. you start misreading the signals given to you. I am fully aware of these consequences. I know there are things that I will regret doing. But I still choose to do them anyways. What is that? Is it stupidit...

There are a lot of questions I was going to ask you. some that used to run through my mind every day, and some that still are up till now. There are a lot of things I need to tell you. Some are sweet, some are lemonade. There are a lot of things I wanna do for you. And what I mean by a lot is terribly a lot. I put a lot of hope in you. I used to. deeply, I still do. I write letters I never send. I have dreams I never share. I keep secrets I never spill. I have songs I never get to sing.  Well, never mind. Those won't come out now. never. Let them be in my tiny little footlocker. Together with my handwriting in a paper where you can see three big fat words shouting out loud.